Today, my son picked 10 cents and he was starting to feel lucky much to the disappointment of his sister. Today, I attended the church service and walk away with a renewed sense of hope and encouragement. The storms will go through and we land safely on dry ground, said the pastor.
But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.”
God knew my situation and my fear, anxieties and concerns. It is like revisiting an old place, a place that I had faint memories about but as I go through the path daily, bits and pieces of memories came back to me. Is this what they called experience? In a way, I felt like Mary in the bible verse, one of old age and pass the time to give birth and yet God chosen her to conceive. Don't we all in some ways resemble Mary as well? We feel we are past the age to do this or that, that we lack the resources, the network ,etc yet God looks beyond all these. If he has chosen the person, he will equip the person with the supernatural gifts. Our job then is to trust, to trust completely in HIM and have no doubts. .
Lord,I may not what you have in mind for me, the picking of one coin here and one coin there - what was the message you want me to learn? Patience? Start small but think big ? Timing is not ripe yet, huh? Often, I remind myself to be still, to keep calm and God is in control yet some times, I panic and I am in tears at night. I can't help feeling that I had let down my wife and family, that they could have a better standard of living if .................
I know God, I should not be saying all these, I am just afraid and I need you, need your words and encouragement and your love. Sometimes, I felt you are so distant and I felt lonely as if you are gone to a far away place and I had no one to really talk to......I am in the dark , like a child trembling and crying for help .......'
Send your angels to protect me from harm, harmful, negative thoughts of envy, self -doubt, frustration, anger, etc . Take them away all at once by the roots and let it not propagate in my mind again. Change me , oh Lord in ways beyond my imagination, let me be bold and courageous and like David, arm with your words ,I can use whatever resources provided to beat the gigantic Goliath in my life.
I know you would never forsake me nor leave me. I know too that your words would never return to you void. Strengthen me and pull me through this process and ends up victoriously that I may not boast it is my effort but to your glory I would uphold and praise you day, noon and night. Thank you Lord.