But, I was forewarned , didn't I? Maybe, my lowest expectation was thrashed by the students. How sad! At one point, I raised my voice so loud and for 30 seconds, they were all taken aback. Innocently, I thought they got the message and I could continue teaching. How wrong and naive I was. In a short while, they were teasing one another, engaging in talks of their own or playing games. As if this was not to make my day bad, after class, I left unhappily and when I was in the board, sweating profusely did I realize I had left my identity card in school. Argh..............
The sweat is now dripping continuously from my forehead, my arms and behind my neck. I felt good, a sense of heaviness lifted off me. I cooled down, sitting in a small tub and pouring water over my head as if to prevent the head from exploding. Thank you Father, I needed that release so much.
Forgive me, Father for I know my behaviour was uncalled for but at that point in time, I did my best, trying to salvage the minimal respect I have left within me. I felt somehow like a well clothed beggar, pleading them to be nice, pay attention and not make fun of their classmates. Was my request too hard to fulfil?
Could I have done in other ways? Friends, losing temper for whatever reasons seldom solve the problem. For 30 seconds, you might felt you were in control. But it is an illusion, treating merely the symptom rather than the cause of the problem. Like one teacher said, we did what we can and hopefully we have sown some seeds to some students who might benefit from it. I prayed for that to happen.
Let the wrath not settle within me into the night but I asked for forgiveness, Father. Help me to lift these negative feelings away from me, help me to forget this bad moment, erase from my memory and never let it flow into the future,.
Like before , I was blessed with a well behaved and engaging group of students. I felt appreciated and happy they learnt something useful for themselves. I am still sweating as before but I felt good and confident some seeds sowed today will produce a bountiful harvest in the near future. What a joy to witness that and be part of it. Thank you,Father!